I’m Sam Landsberg and I’m going to Macalester College — in St. Paul, Minnesota —...– Sam Landsberg, on college.
Chickens have not fared well this year.– Thomas Matro, on the brutality displayed on a particular species in his Human Geography class.
I didn’t really think through my “straight version” of...– Casey Berkovitz
Handle Yr Bitches
I was at a party — I’d never met her — and she was like, ‘Come sit down.’ So I...– Zach Galifianakis, in a recent ShortList.com interview, recalling a chance encounter with actress January Jones wherein “she and I were very rude to each other.” Weirdest celebrity beef ever. [popwatch.] (via thedailywhat)
I mean, i generally pride myself on knowing who most of the white people in my...– SL, on CWGISC (but also APWSV in an obscure an indirect way)
So I’m bleeding to death on the corner of Canfield and Cattaragus, and I...– Grant Palmer
We’d like Earl back because we appreciate his musical talent, but we also wish no harm on his mother. Golf Wang.
Hey, Go Ducks.– Olivia Natt, on Ducks
I heard if you play “Goblin” backwards, it’s just tapes from...– Domo
Republicans have surveyed the field and believe their best chance to win is a...– Jon Stewart
While writing sentences for Dr. Victor’s class, I came across the word...– Adam Yankelevitz, on how he became the most thuggin’ ninth grader
That Baseball Swag
Bryan: Baseball game on Sunday! Swag!
Sam: I'm gonna gear up like crraaaazzy; cut-offs, sambas, bball shirt, bandana, Coors cap, witha little extra sswag just for fun.
Last summer, I went on this bike trip to San Francisco — actually, Mr....– Gregg Beytin, on his attempt to murder our electronic music teacher
Reasons Why I Avoid The Shuffle Feature On My...
They gave me a transition of the Band of Horses to the fucking Wu-Tang Clan. And I’m like, “no, iPod that’s entirely inappropriate!” but “Clan In Da Front” continued anyway.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
The thing is, usually when I claim to be good at something, I’m right.– Casey Berkowitz, on becoming a man
55. “As rough as that neighborhood could be, we had us a community....– Bill Simmons, on Brandon Roy’s performance on April 23rd (or, my 18th birthday, as I watched with glee in the JFK Airport)
How much time will the fun game take?– Thomas Metro
I was blasting “The Tallest Man on Earth” this morning, and got to his song “Little River”. I remember thinking that if I were a folk musician, it would be really dope to give myself the moniker of “Little River” because it sounds awesome and if I ever wanted to switch genres and become a rapper, I could call myself Lil’ River. Then I was like,...
August Peeing On Things
August: I really have to pee right now.
Bryan: Honestly, if you peed on that fence I wouldn't tell anybody. Ever. It would be our little secret.
Sam: You would tell everybody...
Bryan: Are you kidding? I would tumble that video immediately. Of course I would tell everybody!